I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
