Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So apparently I’m into choking now
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