It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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