just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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