Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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