i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
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Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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