I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
