the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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