so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
