The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
