so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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