This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize