My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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