i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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