dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
