NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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