i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
