Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
