did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just high enough for therapy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
