the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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