I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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