pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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