Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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