This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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