you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
