I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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