we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
