is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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