is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
