hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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