I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
