There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
