Yo dont text me then not text me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
