I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
