i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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