you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
