Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
