He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
