worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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