My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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