I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
