i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize