remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
