Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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