have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
