so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
