Plan B is the new Plan A
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
