Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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