alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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