So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
