your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
