THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
