Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize