I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
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sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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