So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
