i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
