Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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