capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
