i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
