I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
