420 ftw
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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