To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
