I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
