A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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