Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize