she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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