the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Bring me that man meat
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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