Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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