if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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