"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
