He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
