Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
