Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We need to get me chipped asap
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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